So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
