I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drake has all the answers
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize