We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
