Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
