i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.