the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How external is "for external use only"?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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