3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.