"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire