You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question