he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
