she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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