is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
