sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
