After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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