Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
