Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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