Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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