yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
