i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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