Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
