there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
