Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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