what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
