Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
