I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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