is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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