It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
