taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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