I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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