also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
