Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I stole a fireplace last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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