The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
