Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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