Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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