I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
