you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
