i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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