you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
