Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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