he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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