Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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