Will you blow on my dice?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
