if you like me you must not know who I am
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
