I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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