did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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