I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
