And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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