How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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