I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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