after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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