A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
