i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
