Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
