I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize