Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
