You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
