I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
