Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize