Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
