Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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