at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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